Saturday, 19 May 2012
It Ain't that Hard (Drunk Edition)
And no i'm not talking about my penis, so hell i've had a few pints tonight, maybe more than a few, maybe just maybe i've snuck a few more things in on the sly but i'm not saying what dig, cuz really the most difficult part of my night was how to eat this delicious Frosty and drive a manual transmission at the same time, but hey i'm like a fucking jedi or some shit so it's cool.... but the point the point the point, tonight i had a good night hanging out with a most righteous motherfucker talking books and music and sports and i smoked a few cigs and ate a cut rate burger with bacon cuz bacon and cheese and beef is fucking good you know? problem is the human race is a right pain in the arse, i mean i'm really just trying to enjoy a few pints and and relax and i should know better than to engage anyone other than the chosen few in conversation but hell sometimes you gotta go t the bar and order a drink right? so i first there was the surly guy who whines cuz he can't score chicks and i could help him cuz chicks dig me and shit but he wants no part and thinks that his fashion sense and choice of football clubs will get him laid but alas it won't cuz there is something inauthentic and contrived about the whole bit... and then there was the girl who stated, "i quit my job and my boyfriend left me for heroin", to which i responded "heroin can be a mighty attractive lover" and bolted before i could hear anymore of the sob story, then came the girl who loved cocaine and with a story about her husband (soon to be ex) who loved weed and golf and who stated that she was getting divorced and in a messy custody battle and paying alimony, i smiled and asked who her husband's attorney was and told her next time i saw her i'd buy her a drink and she could tell me all about it then exited the conversation and it's not like i don't think these people have real problems it's just that there are easier solutions to the soap operas that most people like to make out of their lives, see life ain't fucking perfect and the sooner we all get that through our thick fucking skulls the better, there is no Mr. or Miss Right but there are people who you might not want to kill and maybe even make some semblance of a life with but then who am i to dole out advice when all i really want to do is eat my delicious Frosty and go to fucking sleep... so goodnight and au revoir, i'm off to finish my Frosty and stare at the back of my eyelids as the rest of the world crumbles in their own personal dramas cuz frankly my dear, i don't give a damn.